The Sweetest Harvest, day 10 – Training Ground for Trust

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Today, I held my fretful 2 year old baby in that kitchen where flour and coconut and bananas and honey were coming together for afternoon and tomorrow morning muffins.  100 miles away, but the faintest cough from the first bedroom jolted me, and the mama bear rescue instinct was in full motion.

His breathing, so labored from croup.  The cough was nearly noiseless.  And his tears.  Big tears from pinked sick eyes.  I scooped him up from his bed where the humidifier purred close by.  Too tired to even hold his head up, he let all his weight fall on me.

He never doubted I’d carry him.

And that advice about the freezer air?  I remembered that and I turned around to let him inhale the gush of sweeping cold.  Right there in the face of vegetable bags and pecans and blueberries preserved.  I held him, and he didn’t even care about the bathroom and 2 wet circles from switching hips marked my purple shirt.  And I sang “Mama loves that Levi.  She loves that little bitty boy….”  Dancing with him slow while he cries and coughs and gives me bountiful trust.  And when he didn’t calm and he wanted full air so bad, I just called His name.  Because while my voice rang calm, my heart was uneasy.  And don’t we hurt when they hurt? And maybe He hurts too.

“Jesus please touch him.  Oh, Jesus.” With eyes pressed together so hard, I breathe in rhythm with him and I wait.  

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I’m smelly now, urine stained, gliding silly across white squares of laminate tile.  It isn’t the first rodeo and if he’ll only calm.  That little throat, tiny voice box, they’ll settle.  And in my closest thoughts, I fear the worst.  An upsetting so great, there isn’t room for air.  One yellow popsicle, and I break it and push it in between baby teeth. And I keep calling on Him.  

Because releasing Levi to God means I am not in control, and He is sufficient.  It means HE loves him more, and I get it.  It means I “Trust {Him} with all my heart and lean not to mine own understanding, but in ALL my ways acknowledge Him…” Prov. 3:5-6

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The crying did subside.  He did calm.  And just in time for a big brother who would wake in alarm and would need mamas hip, and freezer air, popsicle bits, and prayers offered. 

And maybe these days of croupy babes are training ground to grow my trust.  Maybe I’ll need this practice for when maturity comes and choices are made and the days are harder.  For when they get that plastic card with their picture and I cry.  For when they’re talking college, and moving, and husbands and wives.

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Maybe the harvest gets a little sweeter when we learn to trust Him greater.

To simply trust him with our children.  The perpetual impact of that!  

I give thanks today,

~k.

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The Sweetest Harvest, a journey for Proverbs 22 Parenting

Comments

  1. Tracy Smith says:

    Loved this! My oldest just got his plastic card with picture on it this summer (permit). Very scary and also very liberating.

    • Wow, Tracy!! You have many stories to tell and memories to hold dear. Thank you for all your encouraging words. I hope your week has been full of joy~

      • Tracy Smith says:

        There are always ups and downs, but by the Grace of God, it has been a good, productive week so far. Looking forward to what else God has in store for us all! I made homemade chicken pot pie from scratch last night and biscuits from scratch for the first time! It was a success! So excited! Can’t wait to hear more of your tales with your precious children! God bless!

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